before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
