He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
