I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
