Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
