I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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