Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
