Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
