we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
