I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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