You can't motorboat a personality
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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