My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
