"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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