So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
