I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
