Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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