is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
