Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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