dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
