I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
