I'm drive I can fine osifer
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
