I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
