tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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