I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
