actually, I'm a sock model
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm at about main and main street
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize