yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
