Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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