but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize