I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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