Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
