I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize