I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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