Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize