You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
