I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
