so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
