Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
