You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
