i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
