I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
