Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's always time for handjobs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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