I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
