Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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