i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize