Hey man sorry I got all grabby
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize