All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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