Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
