oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
