I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
