We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
