You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
