And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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