I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
