I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
