Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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