We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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