I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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