i may or may not be watching the land before time
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize