As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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