Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize