Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
