Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
