Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
