Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
