All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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