never play flip cup with pint glasses
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
