Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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