i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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