shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize