So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
