one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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