its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
