I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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